starting new.

cos i am not so metally retarded anymore.

nope, im not.

still not recovered.

but food is not my life anymore.

yay.

woah.

i just read over my last few entries.

god i sound like such a generic eating disordered xanga girl.

damn.

not that its a bad thing. i just thought i was different thats all.

god i feel so terribly huge.

i burst into tears yesterday, in front of ym boy, because i didnt want to go out. as i have put on 4 kilos. approx 10lbs.

i thought i could get better but i cant. i can not stand how much weight i have put on. i just cant.

Well when it's your own father who hates you for your illness, what do you do then?

I took 27 painkillers yesterday and 6 anti-depressants.

Well, I'm living proof that it wont kill you.

Ok maybe I didnt finish that last blog. Oh well.

How can someone hate you sooo much because you have an illness?